Many women in the workplace begin practically every sentence
with the word 'sorry'. We say, ‘Sorry, is this a good time?’, ‘Sorry, can I
come in?’, ‘Sorry, can I speak?’. The problem is ingrained. It has become our
habitual way of communicating, and we urgently need to stop.
The word sorry might seem harmless, but constantly
apologising affects your authority and credibility in the workplace, which can
then hinder promotion prospects. Apologising for every little thing naturally
undermines your own self-confidence too. Apologies that we sprinkle through our
days make us appear less confident and competent.
Here are my top tips if you fear you are a chronic
apologiser:
1. Be more aware of your own behaviour
Notice when you are about to apologise and decide if it
is really necessary.
2. Work on making a confident response
Instead of saying ‘I’m sorry, I always mess up’, try
‘That didn’t go as well as planned, but I’ve got this now and I’ll know exactly
what to do next time', which is a more rational and practical response.
3. Turn the apology into a positive request for feedback
Instead of saying sorry for something you feel you may
not have done well, ask for constructive feedback. This will boost your
self-awareness and confidence as well as demonstrating that you’re keen to
develop and improve, turning the situation into a positive.
4. Consider a career coach
Coaching can help chronic over-apologisers to become more
confident in expressing their professional abilities. Often, apologising is a
reflex action, so clients need support to take a different approach. In our coaching sessions
being able to talk confidently, and unapologetically, about your achievements
in an interview is one of the most common challenges we address.
Clearly there are times when a genuine apology at work is in
order, if you’ve made a mistake or caused harm to someone, for example. An
apology is deserved and can be a great way to heal divisions and calm people
down. The overarching advice is to save the ‘sorry' for situations that really
warrant a sincere apology. Saying sorry shouldn’t be an everyday activity in
our working lives and we have the power to change that.
Join us for our free-to-attend ’Sorry Not Sorry’ webinar on March 6th at 10am in celebration of International
Women's Day. Amongst other things, I’ll be explaining the psychology of an
apology and, of course, give you more practical advice to break the ‘sorry’
habit and to boost your career confidence.
